you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
