The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
