I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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