his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
