Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
