what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
