Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
