I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
handjob tips. give me some.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
