I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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