Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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