i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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