We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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