just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
