im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
