I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
