It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
