whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
