The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
