i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
