As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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