we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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