I feel great
I just peed on a car
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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