He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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