Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
