So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
