I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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