At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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