Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
