thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
