i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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