Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
