We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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