I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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