Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
