We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
