I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
