i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
