three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
