I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
