So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
