The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
