i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
