A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
