last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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