The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
