he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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