It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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