he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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