who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We are all done wearing pants today
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
