I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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