Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
